I will start this note by asking you a question;
“What is the distinction between house wife and house maid?”
Probably you will wrinkle your forehead and widely smile, while starting mumbling these answers;
“Different title but the same occupation…”
“Different in paycheck…”
“One is worked by divine calling, one by pocket earning…”
“Sleep in different rooms”
“Yeah…, of course one is using ‘w’ letter and one is using ‘m’ letter...”
Most people said housewife isn’t an occupation. It just divine
calling. Once you get engaged in marriage and not allowed to work by
your partner because you are already have kids. Or it just your logical
reason because you think motherhood is your divine calling. But, how if,
being a housewife is an agony, as if you might recall this following
story in daily news…
“Anik Coriah (31), the Bandung woman accused of
killing her three sons, Abdullah Faras (6), Nazhif Aulia Rahmatullah
(4), and Muhammad Umar Nasrullah (9 month) …, argues that God told her
to do so…
Defense attorney argued that insanity was the only reasons why
deeply religious mother who homeschooled her children would kill all of
them without so much tears. “There was no cry,” her psychologist said.
“She was insane. There is no other explanation.” Psychologist testified
that Anik believed she was divinely chosen by God to kill her children
as a test of faith. In a videotape played at her trial, Anik said she
saw her youngest son play with a spear, hold rock and squeeze a frog,
and took them all as signs from God that she should kill her children.”
And that case is not the one. I have more than 100 cases in Indonesia
and thousands of them worldwide. In fact, some researcher found several
thousand cases from 1990 to 1999 involving mothers who killed their
children, and they had researched over 200 of them. Approximately, 10%
of these women had killed more than one child.
Then, you perhaps asking me a question,
“Why would a mother kill her own children?”
Usual boring monotonic life can lead to depression. And major
depression is the biggest contributor to the reason why would housewives
kill their own children. Domestic daily cares are central activities
that consume most time of the housewife. They have less time to do
another thing, especially “me time”. Most of them have lack ability to
socialize in their neighborhood, and have an introvert personality. It
shows that their lives are tedious and miserable. Those indications can
lead to depression, and major depression can direct to suicidal thought
and even murdering action.
For woman in particular, depression is common. Martin Seligman, the
founder of positive psychology, once ever said that “human race are in
the middle of epidemic depression, the consequences are suicidal mood
and suicide action. It takes so many lives, more than AIDS ever do. We
are facing the world with 10 time depressed population than 50 years
ago. And it takes women twice more than man, and consumes ten generation
younger than ever before…”
According to National Mental Health Associations, approximately 12
million women in United States experience clinical depression each year.
About one in every night women can expect to develop clinical
depression during their life time. In Indonesia, the statistics even
more horrifying. According to research conducted by Association of
Mental Health Doctors, almost all of the population (98%) undergo minor
into major depression, and half of them (about 48%) endure depression
that prohibit to have full function life for about two weeks, and
another 20% are diagnose having habitual depression in the rest of their
life.
Women are about twice as likely as men to suffer from depression.
This two to one difference persists across racial, ethnic, and economic
divides. In fact, this gender difference in rates of depression is found
in most countries around the world.
And so, another question flash into your head,
“What is depression, anyway? And why it attacks more women than men?”
If you’re feeling sad, guilty, tired, and just generally “down in the
dumps”, you may suffering from major depression. Common complaint
includes; depress mood, loss of interest or pleasure in activities you
used to enjoy. If you have at least three of these symptoms, you are may
be in high risk of having depression. Those symptoms are; feeling
guilt, hopelessness and worthlessness; suicidal thoughts or recurrent
thoughts of death; sleep disturbance (sleeping more or sleeping less);
appetite and weight changes; difficulty concentrating; lack of energy
and fatigue.
Although the sign and symptoms of depression are the same, for both
men and women, women are tending to experience certain symptoms more
often than men. For example, women are more likely to experience the
symptoms of atypical depression. In atypical depression, rather than
sleeping less, eating less, and losing weight, the opposite is seen:
sleeping excessively, eating more (especially carbohydrate), and gaining
weight. Feeling of guilt associated with depression is also prevalent
and pronounced in women. Women also have higher thyroid problems,
hypothyroidism can cause depression.
Then, the next question is…
“What are the causes of depression in women? Especially during motherhood…”
There are a number of theories which attempt to explain the higher
prevalence of depression in women. Many factors have been implicated,
including social and cultural causes, psychological and also biological
factors, which women are heavenly designed differ than men.
Social and cultural causes of depression in women are involved role
strains. Women often suffer from role strain over conflicting and
overwhelming responsibilities in their life. The more a woman is
expected to play as a magnificent mother and wife, the more vulnerable
she is to role strain and subsequent stress and depression. Depression
is more common in women who receive little help with housework and child
care. Social and psychological burden is even harder when society still
see that raising great children is women responsibility. It’s even
vigorous when husband seems neglected his wives emotional strain. Minor
depression looks as if nothing. When a mother fail raising children as
society wants them to be, she become the black sheep.
Unequal power and status often be major problems among housewives.
Women’s relative lack of power and status in our society may lead to
feelings of helplessness. The course of this feeling such as, inharmonic
relations between husband and wife, or maybe there are problems caused
by extended family member. This sense of helplessness puts women at
greater risk of depression.
Relationship dissatisfaction also contributes depression among wives.
While rates of depression are lower for the married than for the single
and divorced, the benefits of marriage and its general contributions to
well-being are greater for man and for woman. Furthermore, the benefits
disappear entirely for woman whose marital satisfaction is low. Lack of
intimacy and marital discord are linked to depression in wives.
Psychological causes divided into two major causes. First is, coping
mechanisms. Women are more likely to ruminate when they are depressed.
This includes crying to relieve emotional tension, trying to figure out
why they’re depressed, and talking to their friends about the
depression. However, ruminations have been found to maintain depression
and even make it worse. Men, on the other hand, tend to distract
themselves when they are depressed. Unlike ruminations, distractions can
reduce depression. According to Psychology Today, women are more likely
than men to develop depression under lower level of stresses.
Furthermore, the female psychological response to stress is different.
Women produce more stress hormone than men do, and the female sex
hormone progesterone prevents the stress hormone system from turning
itself off as it does in men.
Biological contributors to depression are in pregnancy and
infertility. The many hormonal changes that occur during pregnancy can
contribute to depression, particularly in women already at high risk.
Other issues relating to pregnancy such as miscarriage, unwanted
pregnancy, and infertility can also play role in depression. Many new
mothers experience the “baby blues.” This is a normal reaction that
tends to subside within few weeks. However, some woman experience
severe, lasting depression. This condition is known as postpartum
depression. Postpartum depression is believed to be inflated, at least
in part, by hormonal fluctuations. Women may be increased risk for
depression during perimenopause, the stage leading to menopause when
reproductive hormones rapidly fluctuate. Women with past histories of
depression are at an increased risk of depression during menopause as
well.
Your next question would be…
“How depression in housewives can affect their children, excluding murdering?”
Children grow and learn by modeling. They learn from examples are
given by their environment, especially their parents, moms, as
significant others. When their moms are in depression, children are
commonly share the same psychological pattern. Children with anxiety
mothers are more likely to have seven times higher chances to have
anxiety disorder. The newest report comes from National Research Council
and the Institute of Medicine in United States. This research said that
one of five mothers in United States are having habitual depressions,
and 15.6 million children under 18 years old live with adult which under
major depression.
Commonly, depression in mothers not directly affected their children.
But, several studies show that when the time mothers in depression,
their children often have poor health, deviance behavior and emotional
disturbance. Judy Garber from Nashville’s Vanderbilt University judged
that preadolescent is the most vulnerable phase through depression.
Garber reported that about one to five adolescence steps into depression
when they reach 18 years old. From his study, Garber found that 316
participants confess that they have mothers in major depression.
Depression level in teenagers is come from the anxiety of their moms.
They mostly have negative thought or overprotective with their
children. Bryan King, director of Child Psychiatry in Seattle Hospital
said that, child which have depression mother seem don’t have emotional
support to flourishing their own self worth feeling.
One study hold by Loraine Bezaldine, M.D. in female brains indicates
that depression is also transferred through generations during
pregnancy. Woman with depression develop glooming reactions that
produces hormones which affected the infant. Once the baby was born,
their mom’s often having baby blues syndrome. These babies often grew up
become introvert children.
Woman with depression often can’t cope their own emotional
disturbance. This also affected their spouse. If this relations become
worse and worse, it can leads to divorcing, and divorce parent can
straight to depression on their children.
So, the next question would be…
“Is depression treatable?”
All these years, counseling in depression and treatment method
commonly designed only for personal therapy. Even though, if depression
is infected mother as housewives, most of family members are affected,
as I have notice above. To determine the root of depression we often has
to route to the whole family relation to each other, said Jane England
psychiatrist from Regis College. Her studies provide new vision to treat
depression, which provides holistic treatment not only for parent but
also their children. Nowadays, professional mental health provider often
includes the entire family member in therapeutic treatment; often the
obstacles come from the women. Only one third women are asking for help
to treat their depression. Most of depression is hidden behind the
walls, until it burst to clinical action, murdering their children.
Women depression can affected the whole family even the society, so I
suggest, the cure are also involving the whole community. I call this
“holistic social support”.
You may ask the final question…
“Why should holistic social support?”
This approach not only provides curative action for women with
depression, but also can provide preventive ones. With strong social
support, community can notice which mother are having the higher risk to
major depression.
As you can see above, most women which suffer depression are lack of
social support. They often have to deal with day to day stresses all by
themselves. This holistic social support is given housewives sense of
bounding. Feeling to be accepted, wanted, and has live purpose in the
community.
We develop holistic social support from their origins. Such as,
“arisan” or “pengajian.” In those activities, women are already bounding
in certain activity. We just added what was the lack on their process.
We notice that in those activities originally focus only in one purpose,
and often miss guided as gossips forum. So, we enter these communities
by asking them what they want most in their daily life. After so many
rehearsals, we found several aspects that can develop in this local
environment. The aspects are spiritual, emotional, aesthetic,
intellectual, social and financial.
We are developing activities which can expand their interests, in
those aspects. In spiritual and intellectual matters we provide frequent
discussion about religion and common issues. In emotional aspect we
teach them simple self help treatment like NLP, EFT, self awareness and
simple counseling methods, to enhance their problems solving skills,
improving interpersonal relationships, and reducing negative thinking
and ineffective coping technique. In aesthetic and financial parts, we
provide homemade handicraft skill or developing their cooking skills, so
they can sell it to earn income. In social portion, we create social
event such as helping local disaster survivors or simple gardening in
the local park. With those actions, we hope that housewife has better
atmosphere that empower them as human being. So, it can prevent them
from minor or even major depressions.
With this community approach, hopefully we can reduce a half of major
depression which affected women in this society. Foremost, women as
housewives.